terça-feira, 5 de junho de 2012

7/29/48

"7/29/48

... And what is it to be young in years and suddenly wakened to the anguish, the urgency of life?

It is to be reached one day by the reverberations of those who do not follow, to stumble out of the jungle and fall into an abyss:

It is then to be blind to the faults of the rebellious, to yearn painfully, wholly, after all opposites of childhood´s existence. It is impetuousness, wild enthusiasm, immediately submerged in a flood of self-deprecation. It is the cruel awareness of one´s won presumption...

It is humiliation with every slip-of-the-tongue, sleepless nights spent rehearsing tomorrow´s conversation, and torturing oneself for yesterday´s... a bowed head held between one´s hands... it is "my god, my god"... (in lower case, of course, because there is no god).

It is withdrawal of feeling toward one´s family and all childhood idols... It is lying... and resentment, and then hate...

It is the emergence of cynicism, a probing of every thought and word and action. ("Ah, to be perfectly, utterly sincere!")
It is a bitter and relentless questioning of motives...

It is to discover that the catalyst, the (Entry trail off at this point)"

Susan Sontag - Reborn Early diaries 1947 - 1964

Um comentário:

hugo disse...

sometimes.. but only sometimes.. sometimes i dream of myself calling my lover's mother and telling her that her son is dead. everytime i dream such dreams, i wake up sad. for me, for loosing my love. for her, for loosing her child. for the both of us, because we will never speak again of the future.
i am sure i only dream such things because i am no longer young. my life has more past than i can bear.